Don Jones and Laura Liles. Courtesy photo
Don Jones/Courtesy photo
BY LEAH BLACKWELL
Programming & Marketing Manager
Los Alamos Retired & Senior Organization
“I have an unpaid job I didn’t choose with a high mortality rate,” [I could die before Don],
“I’m going to do everything I can to prevent that.” – Laura Liles.
It’s not a statement of despair, it’s one of determination.
Having cared for her mother through vascular dementia and her sister through ALS, Laura
knows caregiving well. Even with that experience, nothing fully prepared her for caring for her partner of more than 30 years, Don Jones, after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
Having lost her son when he was only in his forties, Laura is no stranger to profound loss. But, caregiving, she says, comes with a unique kind of grief. “When someone is gone quickly, you
adjust in one way, but when there’s a gradual fading away, it’s just different.” Grief is
woven into the daily routine, not only for what has been lost, but for what continues to fade.
That fading away manifests in small moments that carry the weight of a thousand memories.
The things that made Don, “Don” have shifted in countless ways. “Don used to be able to fix
anything–if there was something I wanted he’d go into the garage and make it,” she says. Now, simple tasks that they used to enjoy together, like cooking, Laura does alone. “He wants to help, but he can’t anymore.”
Each day requires constant adjustment. Appointments, medications, routines, and changing
abilities mean nothing stays the same for long.
“One of the things I wish people understood about caregiving is how quickly things change,” Laura says. “You have to balance on the balls of your feet.”
What makes that balancing act possible is the community support she found at the senior
centers.
One of the first lifelines she found was the Memory Care Alliance caregiver group. “Walking into a room of people who get it is huge.” The group helped her navigate legal planning, connect with resources, and find answers to questions she didn’t even know she needed to ask. More importantly, it gave her a place where she didn’t have to explain herself.
“Sometimes I need to vent,” she says. “You hear people say, ‘I get it. I feel the same way.’”
That sense of community became an anchor for Laura. So did Day Out.
Several days each week, Don attends the LARSO’s Day Out program. When Don is at Day Out, she knows he is safe. She knows he is engaged. She knows he is understood.
“I don’t worry about him when he’s there,” Laura says. For caregivers, that kind of trust is invaluable
While Laura uses those hours to manage her own appointments, tackle projects, and care for
herself, Don is doing something equally important: living. He’s socializing with friends.
Participating in activities. Exercising his mind. Exploring new places.
Perhaps most importantly, Day Out helps preserve something that cognitive decline can quietly erode: a sense of purpose, independence, and connection.
For Laura, it has also helped preserve her ability to continue caregiving.
Nationally, more than 53 million Americans provide unpaid care for a loved one, and many experience significant physical, emotional, and financial strain. Studies consistently show higher rates of stress, depression, chronic health conditions, and burnout among family caregivers. Yet despite the enormous role they play, caregivers often remain unseen.
Laura knows that reality all too well.
That’s why she offers the same advice to anyone beginning the caregiving journey. “Pace
yourself. Seek help early on. Don’t wait until you’re in crisis.” Asking for help, she has
learned, is not a sign of weakness. It is an act of sustainability.
“For some reason, the universe gave me this job to do.” And she intends to see it through. “I want to outlive Don,” she says. “I want to be here to take care of him.” And despite the tremendous challenges that caregiving requires, Laura harnesses the strength and stability that centers on community– “We’re not meant to do this alone.”
At the Los Alamos Retired and Senior Organization, we believe in promoting positive living for older adults—not only through physical and cognitive health, but through connection, resilience, support, and autonomy.
Laura and Don’s story reminds us that aging is never an individual journey. It is a community journey. When caregivers are supported, older adults can continue to thrive. And when one older adult thrives, our entire community thrives.
Every day, caregivers like Laura show us what courage, commitment, and love look like. Their stories remind us that collective wellness depends on all of us—neighbors, volunteers, advocates, and donors alike—coming together to ensure that no one walks this journey alone.
Leah Blackwell is the Programming and Marketing Coordinator at the Los Alamos Retired and Senior Organization. Leah has a background in community-focused work, including library programming for children and families, as well as experience as a hospice chaplain and grief group facilitator.