BY THE LOS ALAMOS VICTIM ADVOCATE

October is a month filled with important causes, observances, and opportunities to bring awareness to issues that affect the lives of millions of people.

It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, a time to honor those who have been diagnosed, remember those we have lost, support survivors, encourage early detection, and continue the fight for better treatment and a cure.

It is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month and while we should never have to choose one important cause over another, we also cannot allow one to overshadow another.

This October, I want to intentionally shine a light on domestic violence; not because breast cancer awareness is less important. Not because the other organizations, causes, and communities recognized this month matter any less. But because domestic violence is an issue that is often hidden behind closed doors, behind smiles, behind silence, and sometimes behind the question, “Why didn’t they just leave?”

The reality is that domestic violence is not simply an argument between two people. It is a pattern of behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over another person. It caninclude physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, and other forms of abuse. And it can happen to anyone.

We Cannot Forget the People Behind the Statistics

When we talk about domestic violence, it is easy to become accustomed to statistics.

 We hear the numbers.
 We see awareness campaigns.
 We share purple ribbons and social media posts.
 But behind every statistic is a person.
 There is a woman trying to figure out how to keep herself and her children safe.
 There is a man who may be afraid that no one will believe him.
 There is a young person learning that what is happening in their home is not normal.
 There is a survivor rebuilding a life after years of being told they were worthless, incapable, or unlovable.
 There is someone who has left but is still healing.
 There is someone who wants to leave but is not yet able to do so safely.
 And there are families and communities mourning people who never had the opportunity to become survivors.

We must see them, we must hear them. We must believe them. We must stop asking victims why they stayed and start asking ourselves what we can do to make safety, support, and freedom possible.

Domestic Violence Awareness Is More Than a Month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is an opportunity to educate ourselves! The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes October as a time to unite advocates, supporters, loved ones, policymakers, and communities in the effort to end domestic violence. Most importantly, the organization emphasizes listening to and uplifting survivors. Because survivors do not need us to speak over them.

 They need us to listen.
 They need safe places to turn.
 They need resources.
 They need people who will not judge them for the decisions they make while trying to
survive.
 They need communities willing to recognize that leaving an abusive relationship is not
always simple or immediately possible.
 And they need to know that their lives have value.

To the Victims

If you are currently experiencing domestic violence, I want you to know something:

What is happening to you is not your fault! You did not cause someone else to abuse you. You do not deserve to be controlled, threatened, humiliated, isolated, intimidated, assaulted, or made to feel afraid in your own home or relationship. You are not weak because you are still there. You are not weak because you left and went back. You are not weak because it takes time. Survival can look different for everyone.

 Your safety matters!
 Your voice matters!
 You matter!

We Can Wear Pink and Purple

 There is room in October for every important cause.
 We can wear pink to honor breast cancer awareness
 We can wear purple to stand with victims and survivors of domestic violence.
 We can support organizations working to prevent cancer.
 We can support organizations working to prevent violence.
 We can remember those we have lost.
 We can celebrate those who survived.
 We do not have to choose.

But we do have to make sure that the people affected by domestic violence are not forgotten
simply because another cause receives more visibility.

This October, Let’s Do More Than Raise Awareness

 Let’s have conversations.
 Let’s learn the signs of abuse.
 Let’s teach our children what healthy relationships look like.
 Let’s stop normalizing controlling behavior.
 Let’s stop romanticizing jealousy and possessiveness.
 Let’s listen when someone tells us they are afraid.
 Let’s stop judging people for the complicated decisions they make while trying to survive.
 Let’s support organizations that provide shelter, advocacy, counseling, safety planning,
and other resources.
 And when someone tells us they have experienced domestic violence, let’s resist the urge
to ask, “Why didn’t you leave?” Instead, let’s ask: “How can I support you?”

We Remember this Month. We Recognize. We Stand Together.

 October gives us an opportunity to recognize many important causes.
 Let us honor all of them.
 Let us honor the women and men fighting breast cancer.
 Let us recognize the organizations doing important work in our communities.
 Let us remember the lives lost to disease, violence, and circumstances that should never
have taken them from us.
 This October, let us also make room for the victims and survivors of domestic violence.
 Let us remind them that they are not invisible
 They are not alone.
 They are not forgotten.
 And their stories deserve to be heard.
 To every victim who is still trying to survive: we see you.
 To every survivor who is learning how to live beyond abuse: we see you.
 To every family member, friend, advocate, and organization standing beside them: we see you.
 And to every person reading this who has never experienced domestic violence:
 You have a role to play, too. Learn-Listen-Believe- Support
 Because ending domestic violence is not solely the responsibility of survivors.
 It is a responsibility we all share!
 This October, we recognize.
 This October, we remember.
 This October, we will listen.
 This October, we stand with survivors.

And we will continue standing with them long after October ends.