Courtesy photo

BY JAMES WERNICKE
A Totally Reasonable Adult Who Walked Uphill Both Ways in the Snow

Ah yes, the timeless plight of modern teenagers—with their Netflix and their backwards hats and their Starbucks and their snack aisles longer than my old paper route and their reckless desire for something to do on a Friday night besides loiter at Smith’s or make poor life choices in someone’s unfinished basement—and still, they complain.

Why, back in my day (which was definitely the golden age of civilization and not at all full of Cold War paranoia), we didn’t need movie theaters or teen centers or “fun.” We had jobs. Glorious, minimum-wage, back-breaking jobs. We bagged groceries, shoveled snow, and fought off rabid raccoons with our bare hands while we scraped the lead paint off with our bare teeth! We milked our own entertainment from the icy teat of hardship while staring meaningfully into the void of small-town existential dread, and we liked it!

Today’s teens, on the other hand, are spoiled. They want “purpose,” “social engagement,” and “mental stimulation.” Imagine! Wanting something more than a library that closes at 6. Ludicrous! And complaining that there’s not a movie showing? Clearly your fault, dear youth. Why weren’t you organizing a film festival, licensing films, and operating the projector while filing a 501(c)(3)? Don’t you understand how bootstraps work?

Here’s where I drop the dustpan and the satire and say, “Hey kid… you’re right.”

It’s not like you’re not asking for a Burning Man Festival at Ashley Pond. (Though honestly, that would be amazing.) Just somewhere to exist between childhood and adulthood where you can be loud, curious, social, or quiet without needing a fake ID or a sibling-free house.

You deserve more than just being told to “get a job” or “learn to be bored.” That’s not a solution. That’s just a legacy of collective generational burnout repackaged as wisdom. Maybe we should be aiming higher than equal-opportunity boredom.

Maybe you should have your version of fun. Maybe there should be a EDM flotilla at Ashley Pond–with paddleboard dance floors, biodegradable glowsticks, and a late-night taco boat straight from Xochimilco. Maybe SALA should show late-night movies curated by teens for teens. Maybe the library could keep one room open late for board games and chaos and post-homework decompression. Maybe we could stop pretending this isn’t a problem and actually treat teenagers like a real part of the community instead of a temporary nuisance.

Los Alamos is brilliant and full of potential. What it needs is the will to serve everyone—not just elementary schoolers and retirees. Because right now, if you’re between the splash pad and the senior center, you’re in the social equivalent of a waiting room.

So keep speaking up. Keep demanding better. And to those adults clutching their pearls—maybe next time a teen says they’re bored, ask why instead of how dare they. Maybe with a little support, they’ll be the ones who build the kind of community we all actually want to live in.

Generative AI was used to help write this letter because we don’t all have the leisure time to lecture teenagers about work.