By JOHN PAWLAK
Los Alamos
Scores of movies have echoed a common plot; the destruction of the human race by the onset of AI (Artificial Intelligence). Thinking machines roam the streets, wiping out the last vestiges of human civilization and replacing it with artificial life forms that over time will form proud nations, create wonderful cultures, identify differences, and wage destructive wars against each other. Artificial or not, having intelligence has little to do with using intelligence.
For now, the main worry seems to be how AI will be used, or misused. Will AI be used to instruct our children? Drive our cars? Cook our meals? Do our taxes? Cheat on our taxes? Prosecute us for letting them cheat on our taxes?
Enough already! By focusing on the promotion of artificial intelligence, we’re neglecting a far more important need … Real intelligence!
Recent “intellectual” endeavors have spawned tsunamis of viral internet challenges, redefining the lower bound of the human ability to think. Let’s start with the consumption of Tide pods. Did they really taste better with a side dish of drain cleaner?
Then there was the Cinnamon Challenge: people would gulp down a large spoonful of cinnamon, then gasp for air, their lungs (the only intelligent organ in their body) yelling that it wasn’t such a good idea.
Some of these intellectual challenges defy imagination, such as the Condom Snorting Challenge. The person inhales a condom through a nostril until they can feel it in their throat, reach back and pull it out through their mouth. Ah yes, their parents must be so proud!
Consider the Fire Challenge. You douse yourself with lighter fluid, then ignite yourself. The apparent goal is to jump into a bathroom shower quickly enough so you can live to attempt something even dumber.
The challenges continue! Fill your mouth with Mentos and then drink a Coke. Strangle yourself until you pass out. Cook your chicken in NyQuil. Wash your eye with a shot-glass of whiskey. Duct tape your entire face, then see how fast you can rip it off.
The Salt & Ice Challenge is so much fun! Pour salt on yourself and press an ice cube against it until you get a third degree burn. If you are out of salt, you can just go with the Hot Coil Challenge. Press your arm on a hot stove coil. Why pay for a tattoo when you have a much cheaper solution at home, eh? And of course, the Subway Surfing Challenge is one of the best. You video yourself riding on top of a moving subway. Yeah, sure, you might get killed, but just think of how many hits you’ll get on YouTube!
I am reminded of the statistics joke which points out that half of the people have a below average IQ. I think that’s being generous.
Do we really need Artificial Intelligence? Seeing the world inundated with Real Stupidity, it might make more sense to work on internet challenges that require an act of rational thinking.
I have to go now … I need to hot wax my face, do some scalp popping, snort powdered habaneros, and wash my hair with Gorilla glue!