BY AMBER ELKIN
Funeral Specialist
Rivera Family Funerals & Cremations
It has been my pleasure to work with Jack Allison of Los Alamos Visiting Nurses and Jennifer Reik of Egis Home Healthcare to regularly address questions revolving aging and wellness, and I appreciate their trust in my area of the aftercare of our deceased.
In light of the recent Beetlejuice revival, there is no “Handbook for the Recently Deceased” that I have been made aware of. However, you CAN leave a “Handbook for the Recently Deceased’s Family”. Despite our human nature for people to “be happy when I’m gone/don’t fuss over me”, we cannot control that when people die is, at best, uncomfortable for those remaining. We all naturally suppress thinking about this future event in hope it will somehow skip us or our loved ones. As the daughter of two nurses, I have been surprised at how difficult these conversations have been with my own folks, even when I work in death and dying. I want to reassure you there is help in this arena.
There are an average of 122 questions that are asked at the time a person passes away. A licensed professional can help you get through this in an average of just one hour, yet it can take a heartbroken person(s) days or even weeks. Often seniors will spend years of restless sleep and much anxiety over what can be a quick fix. The most complicated concern can be the future emotional conversation between survivors. If there is tension expected- it can be eliminated. Personally, I find it helpful to visit in people’s homes or a coffee shop, further eliminating any hesitation of being in a funeral home. It is further important that people know they don’t have to pay to plan. We do encourage people to consider finances, though, because funeral rates, especially cremation rates, only rise every year and you can lock in the rate whenever you start the conversation. And if finances are thin, monthly payments can still assured total coverage for your family if something happens.
In my career as a Funeral Specialist I have witnessed that planning ahead is one of the brightest gifts you can give yourself and your family, financially and emotionally. My job is such an honor, and I receive joy from watching people begin to heal. One of these joys can be watching relief unfold on a family’s face when they find that everything has been handled in advance by their loved one. It is truly a gift from the afterlife.
As I turn 40, this decision for myself was financially motivated. When I die, my colleagues have everything they need and will not have to bother my family for paperwork. I feel comfortable knowing that my plan creates a chance for my friends and family to do something unique and healing, or that I can choose a funeral home I am comfortable with if I choose to move elsewhere. I am proud of myself when I see rates rise yearly knowing that I have permanently locked in what I want at a lower cost. If I die before I finish my payment plan, I know it will all be fully covered. At no cost, my plan will accrue interest for my family to have a little back, includes free funeral coverage for our children and future grandchildren under 18 in the event of a
tragedy, and will pay me a small bit every time I lose a pet during my lifetime. My money is held by a third party (federally insured) life insurance, and is transferrable, refundable, and accessible no matter what would happens to the funeral home in the future, or if I move.
I encourage you to make that hour conversation happen so you don’t waste any more time wondering what will happen/what the plan is. If you are like me, those things happen at 3 a.m. We don’t know what how we will die, but we can know what will happen immediately following. Write your own!
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