Amber Pope/Courtesy photo

BY AMBER POPE
Branch Manager
Rivera Family Funeral Home

Unfortunately, a lot of us know the tremendous human task of navigating grief. As winter approaches, the cold reminds us of another, or a first, year without our loved one. One Los Alamos couple mourning the loss of their son has made a big impact this season with their anonymous gift to another mom this year, and the story might just ease and inspire the rest of us. 

After carefully crafting a design for their son’s monument at Guaje Pines Cemetery, they waited patiently while the granite tribute was born into a permanent piece of remembrance. During many visits to the cemetery this mother found herself drawn to a little boy’s gravesite nearby that was marked with a metal temporary marker. She noticed, “someone visits here a lot- there are always flowers, and the area is well loved.” Also recognizing this loss took place many years ago, she deduced that maybe this family didn’t have the financial luxury of investing in a permanent headstone. 

The couple visited me at the funeral home and asked, “Is there any way you could contact them to see if they would enjoy a stone marker like we have? We would love to purchase it anonymously and it will bring us a lot of joy.” They wanted no control over the design and insisted they not be named. 

Enter another piece of community effort. LA County Parks and Recreation found the purchasing name on the plot but there was no other leading information. Instead of brushing me off, they took the time to look through local utilities and see if the purchasing name matched anyone living in Los Alamos, and while protecting the other names and address, offered an e-mail on file.  

I was not optimistic that I could reach someone so many years later but sent the offer via e-mail with fingers crossed. Almost instantly mom #2 came into my office wishing very much to see this little dream come true. She shared with me that it still hurts after all these years to remember the loss of her baby. Her young son was with her who shared that, “he thinks he understands what happened to his mom, and it makes him feel sad, too.” Not uncommon for me, I choked up a bit, too.

In the end, this project is underway and will bring multiple people some inner warmth this season. The acknowledgment that other people are feeling the pain of being without their child, no matter what age or how many years, and can share the load (if even anonymously) is a precious thing.  

Please remember to reach out to those people we know and love who might need a phone call, hug, or a simple distraction. We live in a wonderfully supportive community- there are many churches offering holiday services specifically for people who are in grief, and many free resources and live or web-based groups. Please reach out to a local funeral home for any information that might help you or a loved one find some peaceful moments.