BY JOHN GUSTAFSON
Pontificator of Dubious Credibility
Los Alamos
Editor,
Gary Stradling’s letter of thanks to Los Alamos for the experiences he gathered during his recent run for County Council provides an excellent opportunity for me to demonstrate my skills at translation from Republican-speak to normal English. I have selected a few passages from his letter and with the help of a dictionary and the experience I have gained from years of dedicated effort I offer the translation as commonly understood by regular English speakers.
Republican-speak
Understanding the implications of our local election results will be an ongoing study.
Normal English
Why the voters elected Councilors who expressed clear opinions about the 2020 election and Jan. 6 assault on the Capitol is beyond me.
Republican-speak
With regard to the repeated demands that I state a position on the 2020 election: I believe in the rule of law.
Normal English
Now that the election is over and my opinions on the 2020 election won’t cost me votes, let me give a long and convoluted answer to a very simple question.
Republican-speak
The failure of responsible officials to promptly, openly, and authoritatively examine the allegations surrounding the 2020 presidential election resulted in intensifying agitation up to January 6 and beyond.
Normal English
The proclivity of Donald Trump to repeat and amplify obvious falsehoods about the 2020 election resulted in intensifying agitation up to January 6 and beyond.
Republican-speak
I do not justify any who knowingly put forward spurious and intentionally-fabricated allegations of election fraud.
Normal English
I cannot bring myself to repudiate any who knowingly put forward spurious and intentionally-fabricated allegations of election fraud.
Republican-speak
There is plenty of room for misunderstanding, confusion, and partisan enmity in this complicated polling process.
Normal English
It’s quite easy by spewing disinformation and outright lies to inject misunderstanding, confusion, and partisan enmity in this otherwise not so complicated polling process.
Republican-speak
You and I have seen the January 6 House Panel, a highly partisan group who appear to be convinced that the January 6 activity was an insurrection, use all of the legal resources of the US Government to try to identify any illegalities, including acts of insurrection, on the part of then-President Trump.
Normal English
You and I have seen the January 6 House Panel thoroughly demonstrate that the January 6 activity was an insurrection, and use all of the legal resources of the US Congress to document and identify the many illegalities, including acts of insurrection, on the part of then-President Trump.
Republican-speak
They clearly believe that [Trump] must have intended insurrection, but have not succeeded in showing it.
Normal English
I don’t read the papers or follow mainstream media.
Republican-speak
I also call for professional and focused resolution of the well-documented cyber-vulnerabilities of electronic voting.
Normal English
Bring in the Cyber Ninjas.
I hope this has been useful to the readers of the Los Alamos Reporter.